Chargersgrl's musings...

Why are these three words harder to say than the other three common panic-inducing words: "I love you"?? It is so much harder to admit that you have a fear...of getting your heart broken, of getting hurt, of even having feelings for someone! Some of us just avoid the whole thing altogether so that we don't even get hurt...because that's what happens sometimes (and it seems--inevitably). I fall into this category. I have consciously and subconsciously avoided having a relationship with someone because I simply am afraid of getting hurt. But have I missed out on something? Would I ever know? Is that the way it was supposed to be? What am I waiting for?

Everyone has fears. I don't like being on ladders. Other than that, I pride myself on being pretty fearless. But I'm a traitor to my own feelings. Because I have been afraid of getting serious about someone and then getting hurt. I have immersed myself in my horses, my job, football, and my life in general, all in the attempt to avoid getting hurt. Why am I afraid of ladders (and short heights in general)? This is stupid, but simple. One of my biggest fears is falling and breaking something so that I am never able to ride my horse again. That is understandable since my horses are such a huge part of my life. Plus, I have no significant other besides my horses. If I were to lose them, I would feel alone and helpless in this world. I turn to my horses for comfort, for joy, and for the feeling of having someone to care about. And they care about me. Anyone who knows my horses and me knows this. It's possible that I have substituted my horses for a real relationship. No wait...this is actually the truth. I found out the hard way that it doesn't matter how much you are afraid of something, it might just happen. I was in a car accident 3 years ago and could have easily been paralyzed if the situation were slightly different. But I could never have seen it coming. So really, I'm being paranoid about being on ladders when I could be driving down the street and bam! What I am so afraid of could become reality. How many times can you have your heart broken? How many times can you think "he's the one" just to find out shockingly that HE doesn't think YOU are the one?? I wouldn't know because I've shut out that possibility. But when I think about it, it's really beyond my control. I can't control what other people think and do. What they say or why. So why should I be so worried and AFRAID? That being said...I'm about to take a leap of faith, put it in God's hands, and if I get hit by a car on the way, at least I tried.

Someone actually said to me recently that I would have to make a big decision soon that would change my life forever. If I make the right decision, my life will be good and I will be happy. If I make the wrong decision, who knows? I have no idea if he was being serious or not or what he was talking about (that is a whole different story entirely). But this is my decision: I am going to stop closing myself off to the possibility of finding someone that might actually make me happy. *gasp*

Wish me luck. Because I am afraid. But I know that even if I get hurt, I'm not the only person in the world to feel this way...but I'll be damned if I continue shutting out people because of my own stupid fears.

Jellydonut Reputation: 98 Level: Superstar Since: Oct 19, 2007	Posted on: March 8, 2008 8:40 am Score: 89 "I am afraid" You have my best wishes. I want to talk to you about expectations. Disappointment is caused by unrealistic expectations. From you recent thread, I know you've had one date and have yet to kiss your friend. Realize the chances of any relationship getting serious from this early stage is not that high. Sure, there are those that are high school friends and go on to marry and stay together until death do us part, but they are in the minority. I have been happily married for twenty years, but dated a lot of girls along the way. Sometimes the girl would want to continue dating but not me, and just as often it was the girl that cut it off. Things happen. When the right one comes along, you will know. Why be afraid of losing this guy if he's not the guy? If your not his type of girl? Have fun on your dates always, but realize in the end dating should screen out the wrong guys so you can spend time looking for the right guy. I think you are putting all your hopes and expectations into one basket. This is a mistake. Your expectations are so high on this guy because you've no back-up plan. It's simple. This is what your back-up plan should be if it doesn't work out: Say goodbye and you date someone else. It's what you have to do. In your other thread, you mention all guys your own age (28) are buttheads. Umm, no. Possibly all the 28ish guys you've met are buttheads, but there are good guys out there. Bad attitude Chargergrl. You just haven't dated enough. Maybe this guy is the right one, but once you start dating you will find other nice guys even closer to your age and should realize if it doesn't work out it's not a broken relationship, its a divorce avoided. lol [ Reply to Comment ]
Lymanacoconut Reputation: 97 Level: Superstar Since: Sep 4, 2007	Posted on: March 8, 2008 10:53 am Score: 90 "I am afraid" Ever heard the phrase, "You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince" ? If this wasn't true, then all of the on-line dating sites would cease to exist. This doesn't mean you have to be promiscuous . . . but it does mean that you have make an attempt. My advise would be to start looking at places where people who share your passion for horses often go. If you start out a relationship with someone who has a common interest, the fun part is finding out what else you have in common. Try this . . . go to a horse show and look for a guy wearing Chargers gear. [ Reply to Comment ]
Chargersgrl1 Reputation: 98 Level: Superstar Since: Dec 12, 2006	Posted on: March 8, 2008 11:51 am Score: 87 "I am afraid" I think you are putting all your hopes and expectations into one basket. This is a mistake. Your expectations are so high on this guy because you've no back-up plan. It's simple. This is what your back-up plan should be if it doesn't work out: Say goodbye and you date someone else. It's what you have to do. Well, the point is that I don't usually even give anyone a decent chance. So for me to at least give him a chance is a good step. Like a lot of women (and some guys that I know) I don't want to date more than one person at a time. I thought I could, but I was wrong. I just don't have time for it. So if it does NOT work out, then yes, I will start looking elsewhere. I'm not worried about disappointment. I don't want to actually LIKE the guy and have him not like me. To me, that's not disappointment. I guess disappointment would be if he turned out to be just another a-hole. I could handle that. =) But like I said, I'm pretty sure that is NOT the case here. I think he is interested, but is being shy and I'm being shy so it's taking awhile. Honestly, I can't find ANY guys my age (or older) that aren't a-holes. I think it's an epidemic. LOL. I don't have a bad attitude about it, I'm just sick of guys who think they are all that and therefore too good to date anyone but women with perfect bodies and no IQ. Or they're just not good enough for ME (my standards aren't really high, but I can be picky). Seriously, ask my friends my age...they'll all tell you. It's not just me! [ Reply to Comment ]
Chargersgrl1

Chargersgrl1

"I am afraid"

"I am afraid"

"I am afraid"

"I am afraid"