Chargersgrl1

I give up.

So sorry.  Just a few short weeks ago everything looked so promising.  Hopefully you can still be friends.  It's worked for me, but when I got a new girlfriend "friendship" with another girl became more difficult.

Shortly after you started this blog I suggested the odds against any relationship succeeding weren't that high.  No matter what anyone tells you that the age difference shouldn't matter, it mattered.  It certainly mattered to Matt, and he told you as much.  I feel the ten years difference would mean a lot less ten years from now, but at 18 and 28, it was huge.  Although in theory it shouldn't matter, living thirty miles apart with Matt not driving was financially and logistically difficult and probably stressed the relationship.  Plus you mentioned you were oposites.  I was never sure what you meant, but it sounds like finding common ground may have been difficult.

I think it is important for you to get over the idea that all men your age are jerks.  Perhaps you've started thinking that way already as you consider going out with a guy closer to your age.  With a guy closer to your own age you are likely to find more commonality through work experiences, major buying decisions, dating experiences, and simply from having both been adults in a challenging world.   He'll have a drivers license and will be albe to share a cocktail with you when you go out together. 

Don't get down on yourself.  It's not you.  It may not even be Matt.  If it didn't work out, you should not be looking for blame.  Take whatever time you need, and try again and probably again and again until wham, you may be wearing a wedding ring.  You're not starting over, you are just continuing your journey.  Don't forget to have fun along the way.  lol

I give up.

Well, the funny thing is that the is NO reason why this happened. He couldn't even give me a reason. Other than the age thing. Which is bull$hit because his own mother told him that age doesn't matter if you like the person. OH...but his cousin...who doesn't even KNOW me...was feeding him crap. I guess he ate it. Then again, he IS 18 and obviously can't decide anything for himself.

There's a lot more to this. The thing is that it literally happened over the period of about 2 minutes that he changed his mind. And what's even lamer is that AS he's telling me that "it's not going to work" I can tell that he's not being truthful to himself. His eyes totally gave away that he really has feelings for me. But like my friend said...if he's listening to what other people say and not doing what HE wants to do, then whatever. He's not worth it.

See...the driving thing was NOT an issue. What I meant by we were opposites is that he's the creative type and I'm the scientific type. We complimented each other very well. It wasn't ever an issue.

Here's the thing: his mom told me that FRIDAY NIGHT Matt got sick of Cambria calling all the time and he told her "I have a gf now. You need to stop calling me." SO WTF?? Was I a convenient excuse for him to tell her off? I don't get it. His own MOTHER didn't even think he was really breaking it off. She and I talked for awhile and she said "no way...he was JUST telling me how much he likes you." SO WHAT THE F**K??? Where did this BS come from? I am still so f**ked up in the head.

And get this...he tells me to call him today. WHAT? Uh...and he wants to be friends. Okay, I don't do the whole "friends" crap.

I actually met a guy last night after Matt dumped me...IN PUBLIC...in front of HIS FRIENDS AND HIS MOM AND SISTER. Seriously, someone needs to teach that guy some lessons on how to dump someone. Anyway, the guy I met was a guy who had hit on me before...but I was with Matt. So I talked to this guy last night and he was really nice. More my type than Matt, actually. LOL.

What kills me...absolutely KILLS me...is that I gave Matt a hug goodbye. And of course, being heartbroken and all, I didn't give it my all. Well, he says "that wasn't a real hug." So I said "you're not my boyfriend."   Did I already say that? Anyway, WTF? What does he expect?!? He had JUST DUMPED ME. DUH!

I give up.

Which is bull$hit because his own mother told him that age doesn't matter

It only mattered a little what Matt's mom thought.  Matt himself was concerned about the age difference.  That was the problem.   

Maybe you should consider accepting Matt's offer of friendship.  As a "friend", you would both be free to date and correspond (or not) as you want.  It's kind of like not burning any bridges.  Most likely the friendship will fade with time and as you both acquire new friends, especially of the opposite sex.   But you never know.  Should the spark reignite down the road, you could even possibly start dating again and use this experience as a foundation.  Or, you could be a mentor to him, if you're interested in provided him with needed direction.

Totally agreed, although at least he had the courage to tell to you in person and not over the phone or internet.  It could also have to do with the fact that you always struggled to have alone time with Matt and he couldn't drive to you.  I'm not making excuses for Matt though.  How awful:  You go to pick him up and in front of family and friends your dumped.  Uggh.  His youth and inexperience is clearly showing here.

I give up.

Or, you could be a mentor to him, if you're interested in provided him with needed direction.

Again, I do NOT do the "friends" crap. I've already mentored him enough. I told him to stop analyzing everything and follow his heart. I've also told him that we're alive for a reason and we might as well have fun while we're here. Obviously, he would rather listen to his cousin's BS about the age thing than actually admit to how much he likes me. No wait, he did say he loved me. More than once. Whatever. What a crock.

Actually...NO. I went to watch his band's show. And here's how the night went:

Let me preface this by saying that BEFORE the show he had called and said that he didn't want to go to my house last night because there was an after party down south that he wanted to go to. He asked me if I wanted to go. I waffled a bit, but said yes. He and I said "see you later" and things were great. He even said that he would get a ride up to my house tomorrow (which is now today) to spend time with me since we weren't going to be together last night...alone.

So...at the bar...We met there. He flirted with me and we talked for a few minutes. His mom and sister came. He asked his sister if she wanted to come see my horses today. She was all into it and I said "yeah, that would be cool." So I went out on the patio to smoke a cigarette. I came back in and Matt was talking to one of his friends (a FEMALE friend). She walked off and he turns to me and says "we need to talk. I don't think I'm okay with the whole age thing." And I was like what?? He said that he didn't think we should see each other...but that we could talk about it. Then he goes on stage and performs. So I talked to his mom while he was on stage. She said she couldn't believe it because he talks about me all the time. And she had told him that if two people are meant to be together that age doesn't matter. So AFTER he's done, he finds me and we go out on the patio to talk. I try to get into his head, but he's not being honest. At least not to himself anyway. He was telling me how he had SO MUCH fun with me and he likes things the way they are. And I said, me too. I like that we're not going too fast. And he was like "but the age thing..." And I said what about it? If you like me and I like you, that's all that matters. So he was saying that he wanted to take a step back and not be so committed. But I mean, it's not like we're THAT committed. We only saw each other once a week or twice if lucky. Then he said that he just liked things the way they were and that he hasn't had a relationship since he's been sober. (Long story, I'll get into that later.) So then he said he had to go blow his nose and that he'd be back. Well, he didn't come back. I found him out back with his band and his mom and sister. He avoided me. Then I walk over to him and he says "this isn't going to work." I'm like "WHAT?" He had JUST said that he liked things the way they were and wanted to keep seeing me. So I asked him to walk me to my car and he was like "no." I finally got him away from his friends and talked to him for about 15 minutes. He said "I guess I just don't like you anymore." But he was totally lying. I just don't get it. He wouldn't even look me in the eye when he said it. And he still didn't give me a reason for not wanting to be with me. LAME. I know he was pulling that crap because it would push me away and make it easier for him. WHATEVER. I'm so beyond that crap that I can see it from a mile away.

See? So from the time we were on the patio to the time I went out back (probably 5 minutes) he totally changed his tune. WTF? It was "I like being with you" to "I don't want to be with you, but I still want to be friends." WHAT?!?! What is THAT?!?! And it KILLS me because I can TELL that he's not being honest. That he still likes me. And no, I'm not just imagining things. I've been with him enough to know the look on his face when he's talking to me and he's totally smitten. So really. WTF?

Here's the thing I never mentioned: he's been diagnosed with depression. He's on Wellbutrin. And when he told me, I didn't make a big deal out of it. WELL...to complicate things more, he's also a recovered drug addict (in N.A. too). I don't even know what he used to do, but I know it was bad. So...after talking to my friends last night while crying in my car...I think that he's having problems coping with sobriety and having a relationship. PLUS, the depression just makes it worse. My friend said that maybe he's going through a depression episode. I dunno. But I know a liar from a mile away. And when I went out back and he and I talked for 15 minutes, I could tell he is lying. When I asked him about why he asked me to be his gf in the first place, he said he was "living in the moment." I call BS again because he had known the day before that he was going to ask me. ARGH! Whatever. If he doesn't want to be happy, that's fine.

I give up.

Wow.  Explains a lot of things.  My guess is he has no idea what he is losing in you.  Most girls would walk away from someone with those kinds of problems.  You're an angel.  You had to overlook a lot to even continue dating Matt. 

Perhaps he was having a mood swing last night.  The depression is probably ten times worse than PMS.  Before you let this dumping stick, should you talk to him and try to get the real skinny.  At least some serious quite time alone.  It would be ashame if it could still work out and you didn't give it a chance.

I give up.

Well, that's the thing. I NEVER ONCE judged him for ANYTHING. Mostly because I've been there before. I used to have a drinking problem, so I understand the N.A. thing for him. Plus, when he and I started dating, I stopped even drinking when we went to the bar together (the place we go is all ages, they just give you a wrist band if you're over 21 so you can drink). But anyway, I didn't want him to have to deal with that, so I didn't drink around him. But the depression...that's a whole new thing for me. I've had friends diagnosed and who are on the same drug he is, but I haven't ever had to deal with it myself. So I don't understand that. BUT...I never had a problem with it. He and I talked about it because I was curious. I  never said anything negative about it.

Yeah, after one of the last guys I was into...well, he had some MAJOR mental problems...I told Matt I didn't really want to deal with that kind of stuff again. But when I found out he was diagnosed with depression I told him I was okay with it.

I don't know what was going on last night. It sucks because yesterday was my worst day for PMS, PLUS I had just that day had my last day at work. So I had a lot of stuff going on, too...but I still put that to the back of my mind so that I could be with him.

Yeah, my friend Jon and I were just on the phone and he was like "Matt is stupid for breaking up with you." Jon has been my friend for 2 years and knows me pretty well. But he said that he thought Matt was going through something and that I should just give him his space and that he might actually want me back after he realizes how stupid girls his age are or that he's missing out on a great person (me). I just can't handle being around someone that I know I was making out with and dating and he was my bf. You know? It hurts.

I just don't get the whole "that wasn't a real hug." WTF did he expect? I mean, he KNEW I was falling for him. How could he think that after he dumped me that I'd really want to give him a big warm hug? *sigh*

Like I said...I think his female friend is the reason he pulled this crap. Because one minute he was asking his sister for a ride to come see me today...then I go outside for 2 minutes. I come back in...he's talking to the female friend. She walks away. He says "we need to talk. I don't think this is going to work." So is that a coincidence? I think NOT. But what's her purpose? To make her friend break up with me...someone that he has a lot of fun with and really likes??? Or so he said. But then changed his story later and said "I guess I just don't like you."

But then wants to be friends?!?! WHAT

I give up.

After reading your previous blog and then this one, you are much better without him hun. He is young, immature, makes the wrong decisions, and didn't really appreciate what he had in you. So keep your head up, there are much better guys out there for you....in fact, if you don't mind a divorced guy, I know someone, hehe.  Well, smile, know you did everything you could to make it work and it ultimately is his loss.

I give up.

I'm just mad at myself because I did finally start to fall for him after convincing myself that I could trust him. And then he pulls this crap on me. And this is after he kept saying "I heart you" and even said "love you"...it's just so weird. I don't think I've ever had an Organic Chemistry problem THIS confusing!!!

I give up.

don't be mad hun, it isn't your fault....he is immature and just was going along with it for his own personal benefit.

I give up.

What benefit though? It's not like we had sex. And it's not like I was taking him out and paying for everything. Most of the time, we went to the beach and talked or did something else that didn't cost anything. LOL. Maybe it was an ego stroke. I don't know. What irritates me is that I don't act my age and I'm not all serious and crap. Like...I don't want to settle down any time soon. And he knew that. So for him to pull the age card and use it against me is just wrong. I just really think he's not being true to himself. I could see it in his eyes as he was standing there telling me that he just didn't like me...that he wasn't being honest. That he still did. Or does. I don't know.

I should just go out with this Javier guy who was into me 3 weeks ago and is still into me. One of the girls at the bar (a bar